The Ohio Series: Novel 1 – Friday snippet (a day early) that might not make the final version

I’m going to note that the urban fantasy series I’m writing operates around the importance of trade.

That it’s an old system, and that it operates across multiple dimensions.

And that my protagonist is a cop, and the guy she’s working with is… difficult to get a handle on.

With that set-up, this is so offbeat and was so unexpected that it might have to come out of the final draft. It might not fit once I’ve done the final worldbuilding. But with the usual caveats: 

This is rough, raw, first draft; it undoubtedly contains errors, and I do NOT make corrections from this draft; this material is copyrighted to me; do not quote or use in reviews…

The set-up is that my protagonist’s ally is explaining why he had to change his identity. Here’s the snippet…

“Building a network up from nothing is a helluva lot of work, though, and let me just say that the rewards offered by this particular world were… not enticing.”

“Prospective bride not pretty enough?”

“You ever see Star Wars?” he asked me.

“Sure.”

“She looked a lot like Princess Leia, minus the sticky-bun hairdo. And was a real princess.”

“Then what was the problem?”

“She was a real princess. And a cannibal. She’d had two previous prospective bridegrooms killed and cooked when they failed to live up to her expectations.”

Every once in a while, the words that come out of someone else’s mouth are so utterly ludicrous that it doesn’t even matter if they could be true. Or might be horrible. The shock value of them catches you, and you crack.

I just lost it, right then, right there. Laughed my ass off. Had tears running from my eyes, had to excuse myself to go blow my nose.

When I got back, he was staring at me, an accusatory expression on his handsome face. “That wasn’t a joke.”

“Dude,” I said. “Cannibal princess. I’m sorry, but I keep seeing Princess Leia cooking Han Solo and serving him with cranberry sauce.”

Yeah. It’s definitely out there.

In other updates, the Sweater From Hell required a complete rip back of the sleeve I was starting here.

Too much flipping of the whole sweater while knitting the sleeve in.

So now I’m doing it this way…

Cropped SFH sleeve 451X600

Faster, lighter. Remarkably, however, the 2/2/8 stitch pattern is still just as inconceivably frustrating.

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About the author: Novelist, writing teacher, on a mission to reprint my out-of-print books and self-publish my new ones.

9 comments… add one
  • Bruce Jul 11, 2019 @ 14:18

    First, let me know when you set up your Etsy shop. I’l order a sweater in that yarn, size large, 35″ sleeves. ?

    Second, like everyone else, I love me some cannibal princess. (But who wouldn’t, am I right?) Even more, I love the narrator’s reaction. Great imagery.

    • Holly Lisle Jul 11, 2019 @ 16:15

      I’m having a lot of fun with my narrator. She keeps surprising me. And she had some major smartass issues when things get interesting.

  • Reetta R Jul 5, 2019 @ 4:35

    That was brilliant! Cannibal princess sounds wicked fun. I hope the bit fits into the final book. Your Muse seems to be on a funny mood lately since the tone of the Dead Man’s Party turned into Terry Pratchett too.

    • Holly Lisle Jul 5, 2019 @ 15:46

      I’m working hard to get the “funny” into the first part of Dead Man’s Party.

      And my Muse has lately been kind of wicked, and a bit weird.

  • Reziac Jul 4, 2019 @ 22:13

    Escher sweater….

    • Holly Lisle Jul 5, 2019 @ 15:47

      Yeah. It kind of is. Hadn’t thought of that, but I always loved Escher, and that might be why that particular stitch pattern was so compelling for me that I put up with the maddening frustration of getting it (mostly) right.

      • Reziac Jul 12, 2019 @ 16:07

        Did you notice the front panel has a subtle diagonal irregularity? I think it looks cool, almost like an invisible stripe… makes the eyes work to tease it out.

        Some years back I bought the coffeetable-sized Complete Escher, which should tell you something… 😀

  • dragon Jul 4, 2019 @ 18:40

    Somewhere in something I write: Two words: Cannibal princess. Long story. Great image. Kinda hope it sticks in the story. LOL Thank you. I needed that excursion into the twilight zone!

    • Holly Lisle Jul 5, 2019 @ 15:48

      Very interested in where your cannibal princess got to. 😀

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