The crushing fist of self-doubt #WABWM

8:18 AM

Got just past page three hundred on the manuscript write-in yesterday. Less than 100 pages to go.

Woke up this morning with overwhelming dread. This is the first novel I’ll publish on my own, without having a publisher pay for it or a commercial fiction editor tell me it’s good enough, and this morning, I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling at 4:59 AM, crushed by self-doubt.

Nevertheless, I got up, hung out with my husband and kid for a while, and am now getting to work.

Life is change. So I’m taking a deep breath and finishing this, and moving on to the next project.

As one of my mind’s little gifts for this, I got the opening paragraphs of CADY: BOOK 3 (no title yet), while standing in the shower.

They’re written down. 😀

Write with joy. Cheers to you NaNo-ers.

Kick ass.

image_pdfDownload as PDFimage_printPrint Page

About the author: Novelist, writing teacher, on a mission to reprint my out-of-print books and self-publish my new ones.

6 comments… add one
  • WandersNowhere Nov 2, 2012 @ 15:22

    Holly,
    I hope this doesn’t sound strange or mean, but it’s almost comforting to know that self-doubt can hit any writer, no matter how experienced they are and what stage their career is in. I guess it’s just a very human thing that everybody has to face and overcome whenever it rears its ugly head.
    But you’re an amazing writer and your books sit on the top of my fantasy shelf alongside the likes of Robin Hobb, Ursula LeGuin, and Tolkien. You’ve got 30+ books on the shelves (and now on our Kindles and iPads) when a lot of us are struggling to even comprehend what it means to be published. And you’ve taught a lot of us how to do it.
    Speaking personally, although I understand the need for editors and professional input, I’ll happily overlook a couple of typos and dangling plot threads if it means hearing the honest voice of a writer I like through words that are 100% theirs. It makes me feel like I’m sitting around some ancient campfire listening to a storyteller weave their magic, quirks and all, and that’s gold to me.

    • Holly Nov 3, 2012 @ 8:30

      It’s because I wanted folks to know that there’s no point in your writing career where you can tell yourself “I’m immune from fear” that I posted my dance with dread.

      The thing to pull out of it is that you feel the fear. But you sit down and finish the book anyway. You publish it anyway. You do the thing you love anyway.

      And thanks. I’m happy with the revisions I’m getting, and I’m doing my best to make this book professional in every respect, while still keeping it me.

  • 1 L Loyd Nov 2, 2012 @ 8:46

    Holly, I have read your work. You are good enough. 🙂 Keep going. I am looking forward to the new book. Two sales pending.

    • Holly Nov 3, 2012 @ 8:31

      😀 Thanks. And same thing I said to Harald.

  • Harald Nov 2, 2012 @ 8:18

    FWIW, I’m re-reading HtCB right now, just so I’ll be ready. So you have at least one sale pending. ^_^

    • Holly Nov 3, 2012 @ 8:30

      Thank you. I’m doing everything in my power to make it worth your time and money.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.