Testing Audio… And The Lady And The Dragon

I was going through the update of Garageband to try out the set-up for some of the course stuff I want to create.

And … um. I got to playing with the voices. And then I got this wild hair to actually sing something.

And the song I decided to sing is something I wrote when I was about 26. The Lady And The Dragon, which was published as being sung by the beer-swilling, lecherous dragon Birkwelch in my novel Minerva Wakes.

And it didn’t entirely suck, so I thought you might get a laugh out of it.

ADDED LATER: The Lyrics
The Lady And The Dragon
Β© 1997 by Holly Lisle
Published in Minerva Wakes, by Holly Lisle

The lovely lady sang so sweet,
Upon her harp she plucked.
The dragon’s lust grew great and strong,
His heart thundered and bucked.
When she was through, he took her home,
And all night long they ….

Chorus:
Were anatomically incompatible,
His was flyable,
Hers just sat-able.
True love died,
‘Cause nothing fit.
That’s the long and short…
Of it.

They tried their best to make it work,
With effort pure and true.
They used appliances and gels,
And lathered up with goo.
‘Twas all for not, though, sad to tell…
They simply couldn’t ….

CHORUS

The dragon ceased his striving but,
Alas, it was too late.
They buried her while he bemoaned
The fickleness of fate.
Dead not for love but just because
They could not for–….

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
The moral of this sad lament…
Avoid the clench of fate.
Make sure the plumbing measures up,
Before you copulate.

CHORUS

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About the author: Novelist, writing teacher, on a mission to reprint my out-of-print books and self-publish my new ones.

35 comments… add one
  • Tristan Black Wolf Jul 8, 2020 @ 10:33

    I still maintain that it’s better to copulate than never.

    Well done, milady.

  • Connie Jan 27, 2012 @ 10:00

    That was hilarious and you have a wonderful voice πŸ™‚
    I know this is kind of off topic but I wanted to know if the Moon and Sun series was to be continued or not because I’m not sure whether I should be antsy with anticipation for the next one or cope with the fact that it’s over.

    • Holly Jan 30, 2012 @ 6:04

      On the song, thank you. πŸ˜€

      On the Moon & Sun series, I don’t know. I’m unlikely to do anything else with Scholastic. But I love the series, and want to write all seven books, not murder the thing in three.

  • Stormlyht Aug 19, 2009 @ 13:22

    Alright, I’m actually rereading Minerva Wakes right now, so when I saw this, I just knew I had to hear it! LOL, it’s even funnier to have an actual melody to the words. I remember the first time I was reading that part of the book, I was in High School, in study hall, and I kept getting dirty looks from other people because I was snickering while *they* were trying to study. This was GREAT! I loved it totally! You’re voice is really, really nice! Thanks for sharing!

  • JWRR Aug 19, 2009 @ 11:29

    You just expressed what ive though evrytime ive been reading a fantasy novel or playing an rpg came and there has been a “half-giant”. Surprisingly good singing by the way and i am now ordering minerva wakes of amazon

  • EJ Aug 19, 2009 @ 10:49

    Erggghhh!!! I only listened to it once, and now the chorus is stuck in my head! I’m going to be humming it all day!

    I know–I’ll e-mail the link to my off-to-college-girlfriend-left-today-stressed-out kid and share the love. πŸ™‚

  • Krista Aug 19, 2009 @ 10:29

    Can’t stop smiling. That was brilliant. And you have a lovely voice.

  • Kalita Aug 19, 2009 @ 2:48

    Brilliant! I needed a smile today. πŸ™‚

  • Gary Townsend Aug 19, 2009 @ 1:06

    Oh… my… word! That’s freakin’ hilarious! πŸ˜€ Loved it!

  • Leah Aug 18, 2009 @ 22:27

    I loved it! “Anatomically incompatible”….my favorite words πŸ™‚ Nice singing, btw. You have a nice voice.

  • Don Aug 18, 2009 @ 21:33

    422 words was a good day I like the direction things are going.

  • Zora Aug 18, 2009 @ 15:29

    Your voice is /beautiful/. Really enjoyed that song, gave me a good giggle. XD

  • Donna Omo Aug 18, 2009 @ 15:01

    ROTFL!
    That was brilliant! And you do have a very nice singing voice.
    I have quite a few friends who write cross-species…er… romance. I will have to send them over for a listen.

  • Deb Salisbury Aug 18, 2009 @ 14:32

    ROFL! You are wonderful. I had completely forgotten that song. I need to reread “When Minerva Wakes”.

    I’m always thrilled when beings admit to being β€œanatomically incompatible” – so many writers just assume that things will fit.

    • Holly Lisle Aug 18, 2009 @ 23:54

      And the scary thing is, some of us don’t…so then you know what we think about when we’re walking around with a funny little smile on our faces.

  • Nancy Aug 18, 2009 @ 13:56

    OMG! This is hysterical! My cubemates are also wondering what my problem is!!

  • Lisa R Aug 18, 2009 @ 13:45

    That was awesome. While I listened, I envisioned myself being in a great hall with you entertaining a great lord and lady. I will be smiling for the rest of the day. Thank you for sharing.

  • Julia GD Aug 18, 2009 @ 13:43

    Oh, I am so glad I have your blog to start my morning! So hilariously funny! I loved it from the first verse – the lyrics, the melody. Thank you so much for this treat, I am sure now my day would be a whole lot better, while I hum this song when the fire inspection comes by checking our preparedness.
    You know, you should totally sell this on iTunes, might even make it a bestseller! πŸ˜‰

    • Holly Lisle Aug 18, 2009 @ 23:51

      {sigh} See, you mentioned iTunes, and this little part of me thought … what else? The Lady And The Dragon… and what?

      Songs Writers Sing—The Album?

      No Words Blues (a song with … no words)
      Edit My Love With A Red, Red Pen
      Sit Right Down And Revise You A Letter
      Baby, We’re Just First Draft
      Rock Around The (Writers’) Block
      Our Story’s Still Unwritten And The Deadline’s Coming Due
      You’re The Verb To My Noun
      Plot A Little Plot For Me
      I Have A Thesaurus

      No, no. Bad things will happen if I consider this. I must stay away from iTunes. πŸ˜€

      • Julia GD Aug 19, 2009 @ 16:32

        Well, see you already have enough for a whole CD! XD
        And why not? Considering how many writing folks are around just in California, you’ll be a billionaire in no time πŸ™‚ ‘cos all of us need a little cheering up every now and then… I’m not sure though it will be a very cheerful compilation with those titles, but probably quite popular regardless >.>
        You have a very pleasant voice. There is also something with a ‘just a guitar’ performance that I love. In my younger days, we used to sing at every gathering, with a guitar as accompaniment and no flashy sound effect can ever be more pleasant then that for me.
        iTunes are evil as well as Garage Band >.< But that does not mean that you should resist the temptation!
        On a serious note, I personally think it would be amazing if you ever did a podcast; for example, something like the "Crash Tests". You'll have an outreach to much wider audience too. Then you can go into the singing business πŸ˜‰

      • Sue Santore Jan 26, 2012 @ 6:40

        How about: She Thinks My Rough Draft is Sexy
        I’m So Lonesome I Can’t Write
        Don’t Come Home With Editing on Your Mind
        Ruby, Don’t Take Your Book to Them
        He Stopped Reading Her Today
        If We Make it Through This Draft
        Help Me Make it Through This Revision
        My Book, My Book, My Life
        Sunday Morning, Writing Down

        Now see what you’ve got me doin’!

        • Holly Jan 26, 2012 @ 7:18

          Awesome. I’d buy the album right now. πŸ˜€

  • Danielle Aug 18, 2009 @ 13:29

    Oh. My. God. That’s amazing! And I agree with Brian; “anatomically incompatible” got me. And you have a really nice voice.

    Can you put the lyrics up too? Pleasepleaseplease?

  • Glynis Smy Aug 18, 2009 @ 13:24

    Pick me up please, I am trying to write and seem to be on the floor!
    Brilliant Holly!

  • Red_dot Aug 18, 2009 @ 13:19

    Funny, sound quality is good too. Do you have a sound studio?

    • Holly Lisle Aug 18, 2009 @ 13:56

      Nope. I have a MacBook, Garageband and a very nice Blue Snowball USB mic.

      The magic is in the mic.

      • Red_dot Aug 18, 2009 @ 16:04

        I built and sold my first technology company dealing mainly with live video. Have you considered a live broadcast at all of readings, tips, and of course now singing? Yea I agree it is all in the mic. I just like to see what other people have set up. Hard to give up the old habbit. I feel once bandwidth opens up, fiber to houses, DSL wifi country wide to the masses, live will be big. I sold mainly to spend time with grand baby.

        • Holly Lisle Aug 19, 2009 @ 0:00

          I’m considerably more shy in person than I am online.

          I debuted that song to my writers’ group when I was twenty-six-ish, and up to that point, they knew me as the person who blushed at EVERYthing, and never said a word spicier than ‘damn.’ (When I finished singing, I thought I was going to have to invent a way to do CPR on multiple victims simultaneously.)

          I’m a bit tougher now…but still uncomfortable with the idea of “live.” Okay. Uncomfortable here is a euphemism for “terrified.”

  • Craig Aug 18, 2009 @ 11:23

    Okay, now the people in my office are wondering why am laughing while leaning very close to the speakers at my desk. That was great!

  • Brian Cansler Aug 18, 2009 @ 11:21

    Holly, I am ROLLING! That is one of the most hilarious songs I’ve ever heard in my life, and I love it so much I’m listening to it again. And I had no idea you could sing so well! I know you dabbled in guitar, but this is pretty amazing.

    I will never hear the words “anatomy” or “incompatible” without laughing ever again. May I put this on my iPod, provided I follow general acceptable use regulations?

    • Holly Lisle Aug 18, 2009 @ 11:23

      Of course you can. πŸ˜€ I’m delighted you like it.

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