Stress, Migraines, and Stuff You Love

As noted elsewhere—I hauled ass like nobody’s business for eight months to create a way for me to write the novel I wanted to write without having to do it to anybody’s specifications but my own.

My mad plan worked, and for the first time since I was an RN, I had a regular, reasonable income that did not depend on me writing at a hard run in order to keep us all fed.

I got started on the Dreaming the Dead—the novel of my passion—and I was having a wonderful time with it, sitting down late at night every night and getting as many words as I got before I fell asleep. No pressure, no specific deadline (a vague one in the back of my mind only), and not even any dedication to the idea of writing to a market or marketing the book when it was done. I was writing for the sheer love of writing—to spend time with characters I could not find anywhere else, to explore a fascinating problem, to uncover mysteries and wonders.

Yes, I fully intended to send it to my agent. When it was done. When I was damn good and ready.

And then…

And then…

Brief aside here: You might have noticed, if you’ve been around here or in Think Sideways, that I … ah … am not a good relaxer. I am very good at deadlines, very good at pushing hard toward goals, very good at driving myself.

Taking my time? Taking it easy? Doing things just for fun? Not my best skill. I know this about me, but I sometimes forget it. End Brief Aside.

I forgot why I had worked so hard last year and part of this one. I forgot that THIS book was supposed to be special, different, NOT the same ferocious race to the finish line, doing the absolute best I could in the absolute least time humanly possible so that I could get paid and we could eat.

I forgot. And I set what seemed like a reasonable deadline for myself. 2000 words a day, more or less.

I also forgot that my life is different now. When writing fiction was all I had, writing fiction WAS all I had. I could put the rest of the world aside for long stretches and just push for the finish line.

I wrote, I got frustrated and guilty because I wasn’t getting other things done. When I got other things done, I got frustrated and guilty because I wasn’t writing. Over the last couple of days, I got hammered by headaches, stress, and guilt, my productivity on everything dropped to miserable levels, and I started hating life. In one week. From one change: the decision to write Dreaming the Dead to a “publish it” deadline.

I sat down this morning and took stock of what I have going on that is NOT the novel—stuff I love and am thrilled to be doing and want to complete.

You can look at the mindmap I did here, or the outline version here.

The fact is, my life is full of cool and wonderful work. And writing fiction is the cool and wonderful play I had planned for the end of each day.

I need to get back to my original plan.

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By Holly

Novelist, writing teacher, on a mission to reprint my out-of-print books and indie-publish my new ones.

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Tori
Tori
13 years ago

Holly- For some reason, whenever I try to set a certain word count for each day…I can never reach it. Am I doing something wrong? I set time aside to write, and I usually can, but I can never write as much as I planned to.

Tori
Tori
13 years ago

Holly- Taking my time with writing is fun. I’m glad you finally get to do that as well.

Craig A. Eddy
13 years ago

Holly,

I apologize. I never meant that you should choose a deadline that was constrictive. If I implied that, forgive me. My intent was that boundaries can be helpful. From your comment to me, and the replies you made to others following it, I believe you’ve found it.

As an aside, 250 words: I did that recently on an 8 1/2″ page, single spaced (double space between paragraphs) with 3/4″ margins, and 12pt Arial font in OpenOffice.org. It was done in OO.o simply because it’s easier for me to do spell checking, and has a larger field of vision. I later transfered it to a text editor (GEdit), then copied and placed it in a blog. For you to say that you did 250 words in a bit over a page (and the implication is that it’s in manuscript form of double space) impresses me. You must have MUCH better eyesight than I do.

Craig
Tyche

Ieva
13 years ago

Ahem. It seems that somebody needs to read the How To Think Sideways course… 😉 specifically, Lesson 7, the “figure a word count you are doing on your worst day and work from there” sentence.

It bloody well works and it does not stall the progress – knowing that I can do 500 words with my right hand tied behind my back while the kids are crawling all over me, helps me to do it every day (while taking two days a week off, on average) and most of the time, I write more. But that doesn’t make me to change my schedule. Nothing as good as patting myself on the back when I do more, even if it’s only 100 words more.

And you can still have a deadline. Only a more distant one.

Leah
Leah
13 years ago

Hey Holly, nice to hear that you’re struggling with the same thing I am. I gave myself a deadline for my 25th birthday, and now I feel as though I’m pushing through and not enjoying a minute of it. I don’t have a pub date, but I thought I’d try to meet it for fun. Fun. F-U-N. With exclamation points.

Thanks for the reminder.

Texanne
Texanne
13 years ago

Maybe, rather than thinking of things to cut out, you might want to add in some things:
A day at the lake every other week
An afternoon at the skeet range
Rollerblading
Gardening!
Be sure you’re sticking to your diet & exercise & meditation foundations.

Anyway, even in your distress you have helped me: seeing your mind map, I remembered that I have Inspiration and Curio on this computer. They can make great decision trees, something I’m needing for my plot. See? You can’t help being helpful.

Peace to your house.

Bren
Bren
13 years ago

In all fairness to yourself…. are you *really* ‘taking it easy’? You have eight bazillion projects running, not the least of which are the maintenance and feedback for the HTTS stuff, the Writer Crash Tests videos you put out regularly, the Writing Craft videos, all of which take time to write, produce, film and edit. Besides that you are a wife and a mom… Seriously, Holly, you are way too hard on yourself. You are human after all (unless I missed a post about you really being an android).

Tori
Tori
13 years ago

Holly-
Take your time. There is no need to rush a great thing. Allow yourself to write this novel, your passion, the way you dreamed of writing it. And spend time doing other things you love.

Jamie D.
13 years ago

Maybe it’s as simple as forcing yourself to stick to a lower word count each day – sure, you *can* write 2000 words a day, but would you enjoy it more if you knew you could only write, say…600-800 words per day? Would you savor those words more? Or put a time limit on your daily writing – you can only spend an hour (or whatever) on it, then you have to put it down and go do something else.

My point being, perhaps limitations, rather than expectations, would foster a sense of desire to get back to the work, since your time with it is limited.

But only you know what will work for you, and I hope you can find a way to slow down and just write for sheer enjoyment again, since you’ve worked so hard to get to this point. 🙂

Quick aside: I’m using your “Create-a-Plot” mini email course to plot my next blog serial, and…well…it’s nothing short of completely amazing. The plot is so good (well, at this point) that I had to talk myself back into using it on the blog (rather than writing for submission). Thank you so much for that – I’ll be using it a lot.

MarFisk
13 years ago

Hugs. It’s really hard to work against your nature, but sometimes it’s worth the effort.

Maryse
13 years ago

Hi Holly! When I read the last couples of entries of your blog, I tought “Damn, she is an INTENSE person to impose herself such a rhythm for a project that is supposed to be for the fun of writing” 😀
I know you’re hardworking, but still… I’m glad to see you are human after all 😉 I sincerely hope you achieve your goal of writing the novel you really want while still enjoying what life has to offer.
Living a balanced life and not beating myself with self imposed unrealistic expectations is my resolution for this year… and probably will be for all my life 😉
Why do we do this to ourselves?

Craig A. Eddy
13 years ago

Holly,

Would it help to have a deadline? No, I am not a publisher – I can’t offer you a contract or any of the things a publisher could do. But . . .

To a degree, it sounds like you have the same problem that I have. You need borders – parameters within which to work – in order to give your best. As an AutoCAD draftsman, I was never happier than when I had to meet “impossible” parameters against a deadline. It’s what gave me the most satisfaction. I think you may be the same way. You’re not feeling the pressure that you need. So make up your own.

What do you owe your readers, your fans? Would you feel obligated to meet a deadline for them? If so, may I suggest one for you?

Writing – finish in 7 months (25,000 words divided by 2000 words a day, divided by 20 working days a month = 6.25 months, close as I can figure).
Revision, Edits, Cleanup – 2 months
Total time to submission – 9 months

Feel free to revise my estimates of your abilities. This is simply what I’ve gathered from reading this blog site. By marking such a deadline (or succession of deadlines) on you calendar and counting down the days and insisting to yourself that you meet the deadlines, you can do it. I have confidence that you can, based on the number of books you’ve put out for uncompromising publishers that want to make money from your works.

Respectfully,
Craig

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