Okay … this is actively evil

“Come, let me gnaw your fingernails that I may absorb and lose myself in the wise and gritty detritus that is you.”

“Were giraffe’s antennae to sprout from your barnacled elbows, one could but weep for the pretense of a fallen chamber pot.”

“Woe is me, for I must forever more huddle, unminded, in the dark shadow of thine undeserved engine of procreation.”

“Your sweet voice is like the snap of a bra strap upon a sun burnt back.”

There are some cruel time-devouring beasts on the internet, but The Surrealist Compliment Generator is more vile than most, because, having let a few of these … compliments … seep into the brain while trying to make sense of them, you find yourself wanting to use words like ‘flavulate’ while working.

Beware, beware, all ye cross this threshhold; the painful sheen of integumentary pallification awaits.

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About the author: Novelist, writing teacher, on a mission to reprint my out-of-print books and self-publish my new ones.

10 comments… add one
  • A_Shelton May 21, 2003 @ 20:17

    I recieved, "You foment graciously, as ever any dying monster did not."

    Well, I feel special. 🙂

    And this one, which, I feel, is much too appropriate: "May clinging breasts always come to your aid in the kitchen."

  • Linnet May 20, 2003 @ 9:19

    Oh dear…

    Your eyes shine with the greed of a misplaced tea strainer.

    *falls off her chair*

  • Holly May 15, 2003 @ 5:51

    In need of a morning compliment, I trotted over and received this one — Teacups smash, flounders ignite spontaneously in your presence.

    Having caused spontaneous combustion in fish and porcelain suicide, my loins are now girded to face the day.

  • steve May 15, 2003 @ 12:23

    ‘Lo, EUREKA,’ I yelled into the cat, ‘Thou art truly laborious and divergent. My nose bleeds for your impending encounter with the front fender of a Mercedes Benz.’

    Cats are the butt of so many cruel jokes. I love them.

  • Kellie May 13, 2003 @ 14:45

    OK, this is just too funny:

    "How lovely is your curdled priest!"

  • Rob May 12, 2003 @ 20:21

    Mine says: "I surmise that your basement is made of skin and is never depleted of nurses."

    Uh…how did it know that?

  • Holly May 11, 2003 @ 9:10

    More evil, for those of us who like it. This little quizlet ignores the possibility of anyone with a brain not totally sucking up to the All-Liberal All-The-Time agenda, but aside from an inability to acknowledge that every issue DOES have two sides, it’s kind of fun.

    So …

    "The
    You are the Low-Fidelity All-Star. You were born
    with your cool, and it’s totally natural. You
    run the gamut from Hipster Supreme (only they
    can ingest as much coffee as you) to the geeky
    hipster (Mario Kart, anyone?).

    What Kind of Hipster Are You?
    brought to you by Quizilla

  • Jaye Patrick May 11, 2003 @ 1:09

    "Wallets of fur would bombard a triassic keychain rather than face dialysis in your equable fishtank."

    Okay. That’s just plain weird!
    ‘Wallets of fur’?

  • Tamith May 10, 2003 @ 23:05

    And I ended up with:

    "Your wit, your teeth, your pasty reflection can but incorporate freely into the powerful surface of a disintegrating mirror set afloat upon a swarm of locusts."

    Still trying to wrap my brain around it…

  • Sheila May 10, 2003 @ 9:30

    You’re evil for posting this.

    Be still, my love, my watermelon rind. I am consumed with your collection of agile fans and spare blades.

    I swear, no matter what I do, I can’t get away from the blades…

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