Last Post Before Hurricane Irma Hits Us

Hurricane Irma, or what I’ve decided to think of as the Okefenokee Wildlife Relocation Plan, now looks like it will start raining poisonous snakes and prehistoric reptiles on the South Florida burbs around eightish tomorrow morning.

A bit early for that sort of thing, and the better class of hurricane never calls on a Sunday. Irma is clearly no lady.

Along with the rain of alligators and any such tornadoes as might amuse the storm to cast our way, we’re also still looking at a Category 4 hurricane with very high sustained winds for about four to six hours.

I briefly fell into the error of looking at the tracks, seeing them go west, and thinking, “It looks like it’s going to miss us.”

02-9-9-17-irma-composite-computer-models

9-9-17-irma-composite-computer-models

Then I remembered that the dot on the track marks the center of the storm eye.

I looked at the radar image, mentally superimposed it over the dot on the track, did a little double take, and muttered, “Oh!”

03-9-9-17-irma-with-hurricane-overlay

9-9-17-irma-with-hurricane-overlay

On its current track, the eye won’t go directly over us.

But the Gulf of Mexico will be feeding it nice warm water, and the eye will have a chance to get a bit bigger and stronger. So we’ll get lots of really big fun with everything else.

We’re in now. Not going anywhere today. Folks who haven’t been working on this all week are now in full last-minute-panic mode, and we want to stay out of that.

And a word for the folks all ready to get offended and judge-y about my smart-ass tone when referring to a storm that has already killed people and will kill more.

We are going to be in this thing with hurricane shutters held together by home-made hardware engineered by:

  • A woman who once knit a cat, and could knit a house out of wire if required to — but who can’t swear it would withstand a hurricane
  • A man who used to rebuild aircraft engines for the Air Force, and who knows the importance of good long pigtails and lots of twists per inch, but who has no experience with working on the part of the plane that has to withstand 130-140 mph winds, or with a plane that is actually a non-aerodynamic condo with non-aerodynamic shutters
  • And BUILT with shit we bought at Lowes.

So here’s the rule. If you’re on the way to the gallows, you’re allowed to crack wise. And you get extra points for style if you can make the audience laugh.

On that note, I’m outta here. Packing up and storing the computer now.

And I hope I’ll be back to write more posts once Irma has done her worst.

Ave Irma, morituri te salutant.

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About the author: Novelist, writing teacher, on a mission to reprint my out-of-print books and self-publish my new ones.

11 comments… add one
  • Amy Blaze Sep 12, 2017 @ 10:42

    Just read your email, “How Much Money Do You Earn, Holly?” and if you’re serious about relocating, perhaps you could consider East Tennessee, the cost of living here is much more reasonable, and Irma’s just a ‘toad choker’ here. (In case y’all are wondering: http://www.knoxnews.com/story/news/2017/08/14/why-knoxville-doesnt-have-confederate-monuments/564798001/)

    Come rent a cabin, see the mountains, visit Dollywood, dance downtown Knoxville on a Saturday night for amazing food and entertainment. Visit Oak Ridge, get your science fix.

  • Amanda Truscott Sep 11, 2017 @ 15:41

    Take care, Holly! I’m rooting for you.

  • Lizzie Merrill Sep 11, 2017 @ 8:53

    Keep safe, Holly.

  • William Sep 10, 2017 @ 12:35

    Praying for you and yours. And yes, gallows humor is the best humor.

  • Katharina Gerlach Sep 9, 2017 @ 23:58

    I’m just sad that it all happens in the name of my uncle’s late mother in law. I can’t imagine that she really would wreak so much havoc. She was a gentle woman. I’M extremely worried for you but hope to see you on the other side.

  • Nicole Sep 9, 2017 @ 18:35

    Hold tight, hunker down, and try to keep laughing. We’re sending out good thoughts for safety. (Where I am, it’s fire. Everything’s on fire. If only we could split the difference!)
    In a more positive means of supplying good thoughts, I’ll be setting up a patreon account later tonight. I can’t manage much right now- I have a chronic illness, and it’s wreaking havoc with my work hours- but I can kick in a few dollars a month to help you plan a move to higher ground.

  • Hannie Sep 9, 2017 @ 17:53

    When you get to read this, I know its scarey stuff but thoughts are with you. Keep your sense of humor. I eas thete for that 5 year streak of bad storms including, Frances, Ivan, Katrina, and Wilma, who left us in camping mode for over two weeks. Hang in there!

  • Susan Herendeen Sep 9, 2017 @ 17:14

    I truly hope you come through this unscathed with no Okefenokee visitors adding extra drama. Hugs.

  • Ava Fairhall Sep 9, 2017 @ 13:48

    I know you won’t see this until much later, but good luck.

  • Tess Sep 9, 2017 @ 13:37

    Anyone who can knit a cat can plan my hurricane survival strategy any day, any being a smart-ass only burnishes those credentials. Up north, we’re pulling for all of you.

  • Deb Salisbury Sep 9, 2017 @ 8:59

    Gallows humor is allowed, under the circumstances. Heck, it’s encouraged!

    Hugs, Holly. Just… many hugs.

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