Hammering the Wheels Back On

The sky is cobalt right now, with a green edge along the horizon promising dawn. One planet (Venus, maybe? I’m too lazy at the moment to figure it out) gleams in the top right corner of my window, and below it, the leafless trees make black lace of the horizon.

My two stained glass work lights cast their warm glow, and the hard drive hums softly. The office is warm, my space cozy and inviting. Me? I’m stiff with dread.

Time for a deep breath. I haven’t written a word of fiction since I closed out the first draft of I SEE YOU. Moreover, I haven’t wanted to write a word of fiction. Sixteen years of doing this professionally (I signed my first contract in 1990, though it wasn’t for my first book) and most of those sixteen years, I’ve written seven days a week, and I have loved the work. And then there was last year, which was in part a miserable slog, more memorable for its frustrations than for its good moments, and when I saw the last of it, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to go on writing or just walk away.

While I can’t exactly call the last two months a vacation–I have, after all, done a whole lot of writing in those two months–they were time away from this thing I love. And the more I was away, the more I enjoyed being away, and there wasn’t a single part of me that didn’t look at that and think, “This is not good.”

So I made in-case plans in the back of my mind. The bookstore plus maybe teaching writing online for a while; doing the nonfiction, which is pure, unadulterated fun ….

… but ….

Today I woke up hungry for the first time in a long time. I’m not ready yet to set down page counts and schedules and plans with exciting collapsing deadlines. I’m still bruised from last year’s exciting collapsing deadlines. But Cadence Drake whispered in my ear this morning, and I’m going to see if she’s in as much trouble as she says she is. Just a peek, you know. A few pages. A toe’s worth dipped in the cold, cold lake.

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7 responses to “Hammering the Wheels Back On”

  1. Gabriele Avatar

    Lol, when you get back into it, poor Cadence will be in worse trouble.

  2. Linda Avatar

    I’m so glad to read this, Holly. I was beginning to wonder when I’d be reading about your fiction again. :}

  3. BJSteeves Avatar

    I understand your frustrations, I still waiting for my muses to wake up too! Hopefully, when all of the boxes are unpacked and a new job is found, I will be able to reset the muse alrm clock and wake them all up. Good Luck!


  4. Zoe Avatar

    I’m glad you feel like writing again. Be gentle with yourself; coax the inspiration to you slowly, like it’s a skittish stray cat. Good luck.

  5. klharrds21 Avatar

    I got a bit confused with the double negatives but I think I’m with ya.

    Enjoy those whispers and just relax. Last year was all about pressure. I dont think you want to go that way again.

  6. JeriT Avatar

    We’ve all been there, Holly. Sending good vibes your way.

  7. Miss Nienke Avatar

    Yay! Looking at the eloquence of your blog post, I’d say your muse is itching to get on the page. I’m happy to hear you’re hungry, Holly. It must feel good.

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