Friday Snippet–A piece of the rat scene from Hawkspar

This is a very short section of an enormous scene in HAWKSPAR, in which the heroine of the story, not yet Hawkspar, is being put on trial for the implied sins of her mentor.

NOTICE: This material is copyrighted, first draft, probably buggy, and possibly not even going to be in the final draft. Do not quote or repost anywhere or in any format. Thanks

We reached the cage, and two of the leather-clad rat-keepers undid the heavy locks that would keep closed the iron gate.

I wanted to scream, “Don’t put me in there!” I wanted to beg for rescue with everything in me. I did not.

Hawkspar had said, To the damned, courage is better than truth. She had sent that message to me at who knew what risk. I had done my best to interpret it. I had made my choice. I had chosen the path of courage—or madness—and it was too late to turn from it. Why, then, shame myself and Hawkspar before I had to? Screaming would not save me, would not change a single second of my fate. It would only offer comfort to those who wanted my death. They’d have their comfort soon enough, when the rats dropped onto me and began to gnaw. I’d scream enough to satisfy them then. The women fed to rats always did.

All I could do as the Onyxes slid me in and my bare skin touched rough, cold metal was close my eyes and pray. To Jostfar, who did not know me, who was the god of a people who had once been mine.. I had been born Tonk, and I would die Tonk. And if I did not shame myself, perhaps my mother would know me as her daughter in whatever place or form in which we might exist after death was done with me.

When I lay with my knees jammed into my chest and my head barely inside the box, the door closed behind me, and I heard the sickening click of the padlocks.

The beating of the drums quickened their pace. All four ratkeepers marched to the cart, and each picked up four rat cages. They returned, set down three of their four cages at their feet, and placed the connectors over the openings that would lead into my cage. Each placed a hand on the lift-up door that would permit the rat inside to move from the back of his cage into the front portion that contained the connector.

The drums beat faster and faster, but never as quickly as my own heart. It hammered against my ribs as if trying to escape.

And then, at their peak, the drums abruptly fell silent.

Hawkspar’s voice echoed throughout the arena. “On my command …”

I clenched my jaws closed, squeezed my eyes as tight as I could—as if those feeble attempts would keep the rats from my eyes or my tongue—and silently begged my mother to find me.
“… first rats now!” Hawkspar said, and I heard the scraping of four metal doors, and the squeaking grew to screeching as claws skittered down four metal tubes.

Four heavy bodies dropped onto me. Sharp points dug into my skin and scrabbled over me, and I felt cold, wet noses press against my flesh, and greasy fur sliding across my breasts and belly and face, and scaly, heavy tails draping along my skin.

[blenza_autolink 42]
image_pdfDownload as PDFimage_printPrint Page

About the author: Novelist, writing teacher, on a mission to reprint my out-of-print books and self-publish my new ones.

18 comments… add one
  • zette Jun 3, 2007 @ 12:50

    Great description… sound, touch… even the part of squeezing her eyes closed so she didn’t see, which only made the other descriptions so much more intense.

    Wonderful!

    (I’m running late, but I’m here!)

  • cherylp Jun 1, 2007 @ 19:23

    Oh, cripes! She’ll never be the same after this! I love it!

  • tambo Jun 1, 2007 @ 19:12

    May I be the first to say that that’s an utterly lovely scene! Vicious and tense and WOW!!

    Shudder (but in a grand way)

  • Tech Jun 1, 2007 @ 14:45

    Well, I hope she eats a couple of rats first, poor thing. This scene gives me the creeps. Well done.

  • arrvee Jun 1, 2007 @ 14:10

    Ugh! The tails are the worst part! Squirmy-ewww! I, too, can’t wait to see how she gets out of this. Fraom what you said, it looks like it’s going to get even worse.

  • PolarBear Jun 1, 2007 @ 13:59

    Damn! Optimism never seems to pay. (grin)

  • hollylisle Jun 1, 2007 @ 13:57

    I guarantee that the people-eating rats at no time get cuddly. Or snuggly. Not even with the heroine.

  • PJ Jun 1, 2007 @ 11:22

    Eww – eww – eww!

    My skin will be crawling for hours! Rats and spiders really creep me out!

    And what could her mentor have done to merit that punishment for her? Hmmm – need more! 🙂

  • TinaK Jun 1, 2007 @ 10:02

    Ewwwwww – this produced the expected shudders of revulsion. Can’t wait to read this book!

  • Ann Jun 1, 2007 @ 10:00

    Don’t mind me while I wig out here *shudders*. Excellently creepy. So how does she get out of this?

  • Mikaela Jun 1, 2007 @ 9:43

    Um.. I tried to find your meme at Mister Linky, but I couldn’t. Oh well, that’s life.
    Great snippet though 🙂

  • LadyQ Jun 1, 2007 @ 9:22

    Oh, ew. *shudders*

    Well, at least we know she survives. (Otherwise it would be a very very short book :D).

  • crystallyn Jun 1, 2007 @ 8:51

    Okay, now my skin is crawling! Extra creepy and yes, great cliffhanger!

  • PolarBear Jun 1, 2007 @ 8:42

    Am I wrong to be thinking this whole times that the rats will snuggle up to her and cuddle? And where would my cynical self find this optimism?

    Excellent cliffhanger. I love this piece.

  • joelysue Jun 1, 2007 @ 8:14

    Ack, talk about Fear Factor! *shudders*

  • MerylF Jun 1, 2007 @ 6:17

    Poor ratties. I’d like to know how she gets out of this one!

  • IanT Jun 1, 2007 @ 5:21

    You’re up early. 🙂

    Nice cliffhanger – that last line is by far the squirmiest (if that’s a word!)

  • FaiThanh Jun 1, 2007 @ 0:24

    I’ve read Talyn and fell in love with your writing. One of the first novels i’ve read in a long time with a first person narrative. I loved it! The book was very poignant and I loved the grand details and intrigues that went on the in novel. I especially loved the gradual and well paced romance between Talyn and Gair.

    This snippet was well written and wets my appetite for more. I can’t wait to read Hawkspar!

    Also, your writing has helped me improve on my writing. So please keep up the good work.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Next post:

Previous post: