“I wished for things that I don’t need
All I wanted …
And what I chase won’t set me free
All I wanted …”
Goo Goo Dolls — “Sympathy”
I read something late yesterday — it was the sort of essay that clicks in your mind while you’re reading it — and I immediately saw myself, and these insane last few months, and all the running in circles I have done desperately trying to sell a book to Onyx in order to get paid before we ran out of money. The article was a funny thing, about trusting your intuition, listening to your better angels, remembering why it is that you pursue the dreams that you pursue; it hit me both hard and good.
I thought, I don’t want to beat myself to death pursuing one specific sale in one specific genre — there are other genres that I love, other things I can do. There are options. I need peace and quiet and rest to move my mind away from the intense pressure of the last months, to finish up my current commitments, to let the flow of life move me in the direction that I need to go.
And within fifteen minutes, I had a physical, tangible answer to the question I had posed to the universe — How do I make that happen?
A little miracle, if you will.
I now have a way to make it happen. I’ll be pursuing my rethink/reinvention in the next month or so at a decidedly less hectic pace, working and waiting for the inner voice that offers solutions to the problems logic can’t solve.