Holly Lisle: Writer

A Silly Game: Work Excuses That Require More Explanation

So here’s the game.

Pretend you have to explain why you aren’t coming in to work, class, home, or another essential destination, and pretend that (for whatever reason) your boss, spouse, professor—whoever has the right to the full tale—is absolutely, positively going to find out some portion of the truth.

You don’t have the time, the desire, or perhaps police permission to go into the whole explanation, so you hone it down to thirty or fewer words. But the excuse you come up with HAS to keep your phone call recipient awake until he or she gets the full explanation.

“I can’t come in today because…” is a given. “Gotta go now!” is a given. You don’t have to count those words.

Just come up with three amazing excuses that will require some major explanation later. And keep them PG 13 clean. 😀

Here are my three examples:

I CAN’T COME IN TO WORK TODAY BECAUSE:

  • I’m on my way to the ER because I caught my nipple in a chain-link fence.
  • The National Guard has cordoned off the space ship and my house is inside the perimeter.
  • The other tiger is still loose.

GOTTA GO NOW!

(Once you’ve played, go here for the REAL story behind this game…)

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406 responses to “A Silly Game: Work Excuses That Require More Explanation”

  1. Cathy C. Hall Avatar
    Cathy C. Hall

    Can’t come in to work today because:

    …apparently, what happens in Vegas doesn’t always *stay* in Vegas.

    …ostriches are WAY faster than they look.

    …the Pope is calling me back.

    Gotta go!

    Reply
    1. anna-marie Avatar
      anna-marie

      I can’t come to work now because I got the keep the fire goingto prevent freezing. Got to go now.

      I can’t come to work now because i have to fill in the lottery ticket befor it expires. got to go now.
      O can’t come to work now because I’m stuck to the toilet with superglue.

      Reply
    2. janice Avatar
      janice

      Sorry you’re stuck

      Reply
  2. Adi Avatar
    Adi

    I CAN’T COME IN TO WORK TODAY BECAUSE:

    – I have to explain to Animal Control what happened to the giraffe in my backyard.
    – I have to dig my husband out from the Cheerios before he suffocates.
    – I confused letch and litch, and now I have a steaming phylactery on my hands.

    GOTTA GO NOW!

    Reply
    1. Amazingrace Avatar
      Amazingrace

      How did you overheat a lychee on a phylactery? Hadf to resort to my trusty Oxford dictionary forthis one!
      Gotta Know!

      Reply
  3. Dave Hawkyns Avatar
    Dave Hawkyns

    I CAN’T COME IN TO WORK TODAY BECAUSE:

    •All I can tell you now is if you go to sleep before I tell you, you will never see your kids again.
    •I’m calling in rich. I won the lottery and I’m counting out your allotment. The longer I’m gone, the more you get
    •There could be a bomb in the building. If I come back before they get what they want, SPLAT. They’ll be calling you with a list.

    GOTTA GO NOW!

    Bonus Excuse: Hi. I won’t be in because…wait for it…

    Reply
    1. Dave Hawkyns Avatar
      Dave Hawkyns

      I thought my first ones were a little too violent so I posted replacements. Even thought they would
      “keep your phone call recipient awake”

      Reply
  4. Me Avatar
    Me

    I’m driving myself to the ER. I’m in too much pain to see straight…
    sad thing is, that actually happened. I really wonder what my boss thought, about it since I ended hospitalized for two weeks.

    Good ones:

    I can’t come into work yet because I’m not finished painting the nude model and I’m not going to be able to get her in this position again…

    I’m calling in dead…

    I can’t come into work because I was playing mumblety-peg with a bunch of drunken pirates and managed to cut off several fingers…

    I can’t come into work because the FBI is holding me while they look into personal firearm collection…

    I can’t come into work because the fire department called the CDC while looking into why house burned down…

    Reply
  5. Misty Avatar
    Misty

    What a fun game! 🙂 I love the answers so far…

    As for me, /I/ can come in to work because:

    I rolled out of tree this morning and said “good night” to my hat, only to discover I have apple.

    I think my car is coming down with Alzheimer’s.

    My psychic said I’m going to meet my one true love today, and no offense to you guys, but…

    Reply
    1. Misty Avatar
      Misty

      Um. Can’t. Can not. Absolutely can’t.

      Though that typo goes perfectly with my first answer. ;p

      Reply
  6. Tony Avatar
    Tony

    I’ve turned into Gregor Samsa

    Reply
  7. Alex Avatar
    Alex

    Apparently I’m allergic to zombie bites… now he’s figuring what werewolf blood would do to me… uh-oh… he said something about testing… GOTTA GO NOW!
    I’ve turned into a media and fear controlled American… now I gotta get weapons and run amok. GOTTA GO NOW!
    Buffalo buffalo that Buffalo buffalo buffalo, buffalo Buffalo buffalo and me with weird seemingly nonsensical sentences like “Wouldn’t the sentence ‘I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign’ have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?”. GOTTA GO NOW!

    Reply
  8. Tony Avatar
    Tony

    evirra I erofeb evael ot evah lliw I

    Reply
    1. Sandra S. Richardson Avatar
      Sandra S. Richardson

      I love this! Perfect to have it written backwards. 🙂

      Do you remember the old Dunkin’ Donuts adds that had the guy with the big mustache? He walks to his front door – “Time to make the donuts.” Opens the door and he’s standing right on the other side heading into the house, saying, “I made the donuts.”

      This reminded me of that ad. So funny I’ve never forgotten it. 🙂

      Reply
  9. Dorothy Kielty Avatar
    Dorothy Kielty

    I can’t come in to work today because

    well, you know my husband who I buried last year? well, he’s at the door…

    gotta go now

    Reply
  10. Margaret Fieland Avatar
    Margaret Fieland

    This poem was written by me in response to a prompt by Brian Klems

    Excuses, Excuses

    I’m sorry, boss, I’m late to work
    It couldn’t be avoided.
    My waking license was revoked
    and now it’s null and voided.

    I found my son’s new game device
    and soon became addicted
    to a game called Wordament.
    It couldn’t be predicted.

    On Wednesday night, I played a lot
    at last began improving.
    Last night I started up again
    and found it rather soothing.

    But then my eyelids wandered shut.
    My score were in the cellar.
    I had to play a few more times
    until results were stellar.

    But by the time my game improved
    the morning sun was rising.
    My eyes began to close again,
    which wasn’t so surprising.

    To make a long, long story short,
    I lay down for a second
    I really meant to stay awake.
    Alas, sweet dream-land beckoned.

    I promise not to play again
    although I quite enjoyed it.
    My wife complained of gross neglect,
    found the device, destroyed it.

    So that, dear boss, is my excuse.
    I hope to be forgiven.
    And even though I’d like to sleep,
    I promise not to give in.

    Margaret Fieland

    Reply
    1. Geraldine Ketchum Avatar
      Geraldine Ketchum

      Love it!

      Reply
    2. Karen Barr Avatar
      Karen Barr

      Nice one Maggie!

      Reply
  11. Emma Avatar
    Emma

    “I can’t come in today because…

    There’s a six foot snow drift behind our front door, no I can’t break out, since I don’t own the place, and since I’m on the second floor I’m not jumping out either”

    “I can’t come in today because…

    My Burmese python broke out of her vivarium last night, and I’m still looking for a 13ft Albino Burmese Python in the flat, so gotta go and oops I hear a crash in the kitchen..

    Reply
  12. kenbar Avatar
    kenbar

    Honey, I can’t make it home tonight because:

    I can’t get out of the elevator shaft.
    The horse threw a shoe.
    Remember that story about the succubus? Well…

    Oh, oh, gotta go!

    Reply
  13. Tami Avatar
    Tami

    I can’t come in today because I just found out that my mother is actually my aunt, my husband is my uncle, my aunt is my grandmother, my sister is my mother, my brother is my grandfather, my grandfather is really a mafia Godfather and right now, I don’t know who I am…

    Reply
    1. Jean Avatar
      Jean

      This sounds like my maternal grandfather’s family tree.

      Reply
  14. Eryn Avatar
    Eryn

    Hey boss, I’m not gonna be in today, the movers delivered my stuff this weekend. I worked at a scientific research facility before coming here, and a few of the experiments hatched. Gotta run!

    Reply
    1. Eileen Avatar
      Eileen

      I worked at a scientific research facility before coming here, and a few of the experiments hatched.
      Love it.

      Reply
  15. Patty Avatar
    Patty

    I can’t come into class today because

    -I crashed my car and lost all function of my dog
    -I’m being held hostage by headhunters in my attic
    -I’ve been bitten by someone and now I’m suddenly allergic to sunlight and I’ve got fangs.

    Gotta go!

    Reply
  16. Jim Traylor Avatar
    Jim Traylor

    I can’t come in to work today because:

    The janitor put it in the dumpster.

    I can’t get my key ring untangled from my nose ring

    The garden hose is only 50′ long and it’s really, really stuck.

    Reply
    1. Holly Avatar
      Holly

      That last one stopped me like a brick wall.

      Reply
      1. Eileen Avatar
        Eileen

        Yeah, stuck where?

        Reply
  17. Marti Verlander Avatar
    Marti Verlander

    I CAN’T COME INTO WORK TODAY BECAUSE . . .

    My son’s ferocious and highly trained Germany Shepherd Dog is holding me at bay in the bathroom and I don’t fit through the window to escape.

    Somebody must have drugged me, because I’m watching little pink cherubs with golden hair flying around my bedroom in a game of tag.

    Someone slipped me a very strange jelly bean and now my hair won’t stop growing.

    Reply
  18. chalan Avatar
    chalan

    This is a really ironic post considering I wasalmost 3 hours late today because a stormed nocked out my power rendering my alarm clock useless.

    Reply
  19. Barbara cooper Avatar
    Barbara cooper

    I’m sorry I can’t come in to work to day because I have to find someone who can get my pants of

    Honny I’m gonna be late getting home tonight, I have to catch all the gummy bears and get someone to un-animate them

    Momma I’m not gonna make the wedding, someone moved all the windows and doors to the roof, and the ladders are in the back yard

    Reply
  20. Jodie Avatar
    Jodie

    I can’t come into work today because:

    Aliens have declared me their new leader.

    I am turning into a block of cheese.

    My house has been over run by bears.

    Reply
  21. Sarah Hudson Avatar
    Sarah Hudson

    I can’t come in to work today, because …
    I have to smoke my mom out of the chimney!
    The doctor says it’s going to take AT LEAST 36 hours to reattach my nose.
    The dragon’s gone crazy! She’s smashed half the eggs, and — NO! BAD DRAGON! DO NOT FLAME AT — *line goes dead*

    Reply
  22. Bryden Yeo Avatar
    Bryden Yeo

    I can’t come into work today because . . .

    I’m hiding from the Reaper who has taken a sudden interest in me, don’t think he knows I can see him yet. Wish me luck.

    The children have taken me hostage and ductaped me into a corner, until I am sorry for what I have done. 😛

    I’ve fallen into a bottomless pit and I can’t get up. 😀

    Reply
  23. Leonard Kienzle Avatar
    Leonard Kienzle

    I can’t come to work today because I’m actually outside of your house. I warned you …

    …. apparently Zoe told another kid I could beat up her dad. The kid has two dads – I’m being charged with a hate…

    …. remember I told you my uncle the priest said Nephilim are still here. He was right! One killed him! Gave me the proof, now they’re after me!

    Reply
    1. Geraldine Ketchum Avatar
      Geraldine Ketchum

      Oh wow. Good ones.

      Reply
      1. Leonard Kienzle Avatar
        Leonard Kienzle

        Thank you Geraldine!

        Reply
  24. Calvin Avatar
    Calvin

    It turns out my second wife is alive and my fourth wife and her lawyer want an explanation.

    Reply
  25. Yog-Sothoth Avatar
    Yog-Sothoth

    The UV lights in this public toilet are the only things keeping the vampires from coming in to get me.

    The floor is made of lava.

    Some guy named Schrodinger made my cat dead and alive at the same time.

    [Off-topic: the least plausible excuse I have ever heard used for not coming in to work is “I have Ebola virus”. ]

    Reply
  26. Jen Avatar
    Jen

    I can’t come into work today because:

    I’ve been chosen to fight in the final battle for the earth.

    I’ve just been bitten by a zombie.

    Phase three of my master plan to take over the world starts today.

    Gotta go now!

    Reply
    1. Jenn Avatar
      Jenn

      Love the first and third ones!

      Reply
  27. Sylvia Avatar
    Sylvia

    .I can’t come home now because the building is dark and the doors are blocked. Gotta go now, the dirt is over my shoes.
    .this person told me to hit Speed Dial 1 on my phone and ask whoever answered what’s my name. Gotta go now, we’re moving.
    .I’m crammed in this closet at the mall with strange people. Gotta go now, the little girl is crying for her mommy.

    Reply
  28. Thea van Diepen Avatar
    Thea van Diepen

    A possessed sword started talking to me and now I can’t get rid of it.

    I think I’m on another planet. No, really.

    Wild gerbils ate my home.

    The other world is the real one.

    Reply
    1. Thea van Diepen Avatar
      Thea van Diepen

      Oh, ack. Three. Pretend that gerbil one never happened.

      Reply
      1. Sallie Avatar
        Sallie

        actually, i kinda like the gerbils … laughing and dodging plot bunnies

        Reply
  29. Mary Avatar
    Mary

    I am a dope, need two more reasons for not turning up…

    The Rapture! Oh yes, Lord, can you say Hallelujah? I am rising above this tired world to be made anew. The project files are on the shared drive.

    The raptor… I could hear his claws clicking on the wooden floor downstairs but now it’s all quiet. The stairs are carpet…

    Reply
  30. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    Oh how fun!

    Hi, Boss, I can’t come in to work today because…

    I’m in labor. No, I wasn’t pregnant yesterday.

    I can’t find the door. I’m just amazed I got a cell phone signal through.

    There’s this little problem with the bridge between here and work. Yes, that one. Don’t watch the news, they’re getting it all wrong.

    I’m calling from Saudi Arabia. No, I don’t know where in Saudi Arabia, but at least I still have my cell phone. For now.

    Reply
    1. Leonard Kienzle Avatar
      Leonard Kienzle

      Excellent!

      Reply
    2. Jenn Avatar
      Jenn

      Those are awesome!

      Reply
  31. Lizzie Avatar
    Lizzie

    *My Portuguese Water Dog started speaking–in Portuguese. We’re waiting for the interpreter.

    *We’re waiting for my mother-in-law to succumb. I hope to make it in after lunch.

    *It’s taking me a little longer than I expected to remove my appendix for first aid certification. [Leonid Rogozov actually performed a self appendectomy at an Anarctic polar base in 1961.]

    Reply
    1. K.C. Wise Avatar
      K.C. Wise

      The MIL comment made me LOL. Is that wrong? Probably a little…

      Reply
    2. Debra Avatar
      Debra

      Love all of these….#1 is my favorite!

      Reply
  32. Jess Avatar
    Jess

    1. My grandad escaped from the basement.
    2. I woke up in a canoe again
    3. My llama won’t let me leave the yard.

    Reply
    1. Haze Avatar
      Haze

      Excellent, just excellent. I’m so using all three of these. >:)

      Reply
  33. Cassie Witt Avatar
    Cassie Witt

    I CAN’T COME IN TO WORK TODAY BECAUSE:

    There’s a tribe of savages outside my house that claim I stole their idol and every time I open the door, they throw javelins at me.

    I got into a fight with a minotaur last night and now I’m in the hospital recovering.

    I got dared to eat the hottest pepper in the world last night and now every time I fart, fire comes out.

    Reply
  34. Bermuda Avatar
    Bermuda

    I can’t come to work today, because I’m being baptised. I would have told you sooner, but I only found out late last night.

    Reply
    1. Bermuda Avatar
      Bermuda

      I can’t come to work, because I can’t fined the exit and I’ve lost my torch.

      I can’t come to work today, because the tarantula ate my uniform.

      Reply
  35. Katie Luttmer Avatar
    Katie Luttmer

    I can’t come in to work today; I’m afraid Mrs. Landry is going to show up with her five sons and force me into that orgy she’s always wanted.

    I can’t come in today, there’s three wild turkeys named George outside. Every time I try to leave, they attack. They won’t let the paramedic in, either, and my husband’s unconscious next to the pentagram.

    I can’t come in to work today, a dark lord has possessed me and I have to shave my hair off so he can grow out the back of my skull. Oh, and find a plus-size turban.

    Gotta go!

    Reply
  36. K.C. Wise Avatar
    K.C. Wise

    1) The white ooze from the sewers has made it to my street and has started coming out of the faucets.

    2) The man with the suitcase was seen in our neighborhood. Police told us to shelter in place.

    3) The hourglass floating over the town has just about run our of sand.

    Reply
  37. Wyatt Stafford Avatar
    Wyatt Stafford

    I was extracting an earwig when I nicked an artery with the chisle.

    Martians have partially possessed my spine.

    I’m on the verge of identifying the strange attractor function for the Texas Lotto, but I’ll share.

    Reply
  38. Tom Vetter Avatar
    Tom Vetter

    * My car has a squirrel infection – when mamma kicked them out they nested on my engine and ate the wiring. [actually happened to my neighbor].

    * My wife, the clumsy vampire princess, tripped in the yard last night and fell on the picket fence; now she’s dead … again.

    * I accidentally stuffed the submersible under a gas pipeline, and it’s gonna take awhile to surface [actually happened to me – good thing my boss had already done it too].

    Reply
  39. Robert Chang Avatar
    Robert Chang

    I CAN’T COME IN TO WORK TODAY BECAUSE:

    – The cat is levitating again. It can’t reach the food or water or the litter box.

    – There’s a pentagram painted in blood on my living room wall. It’s still dripping wet.

    – My car has grown thick, furry legs. It runs just fine, but I’m pretty sure I’ll get pulled over.

    GOTTA GO NOW!

    Reply
  40. Erin Avatar
    Erin

    I can’t come into work today because:

    I am clinically dead and speaking to you from the great beyond.
    A dragon slammed into my house…and we’re still cleaning up the blood, guts, and dragon parts.
    My 24 hours in 2013 are almost up. I’m actually from–

    GOTTA GO NOW!

    Reply
  41. Ann Avatar
    Ann

    I CAN’T COME INTO WORK TODAY BECAUSE:

    My DNA test results came in and I’m allergic to my clothes.
    I applied to Mars One and there’s this funny looking alien here telling me I’ve been accepted.
    No puedo recordar cómo hablar en inglés.

    GOTTA GO!

    Reply
  42. Elljay Avatar
    Elljay

    Can’t come in today as:
    • I got my fingers stuck in the toaster
    • my uncles, sisters, friends, nephews, brothers turtle is in a coma
    • my nans cat stole my automobile

    Reply
    1. Mick Avatar
      Mick

      Turtle coma, that’s a good one! Might use that lol.

      Reply
  43. Vanessa Wells Avatar
    Vanessa Wells

    “I can’t come in today: I’m glued to my television….literally. My crazy husband is working on a solvent that won’t dissolve the Plasma screen…or me. Gotta go, he’s muttering something about testing.”

    “Hi. I won’t be in to work today. No, I’m not sick…I’m in Borneo…and I have no clue how I got here. Gotta go, the locals keep saying something about a volcano. At least I think that’s a volcano…”

    “I won’t be in. They’re giving me a transfusion as we speak…I didn’t realize that you could lose that much blood from paper-cuts. Gotta go, they need to add more bandages.”

    Reply
  44. Pam Avatar
    Pam

    I can’t come in to work today because:

    *She’s sitting in my car and I think she’s—Oh my God, she is!

    *The EPA said they’d be here shortly.

    *I can’t let the blood soak in.

    Bye! Gotta go!

    (None of these are as good as the tiger. That one made me LOL.)

    Reply
  45. Peg Fisher Avatar
    Peg Fisher

    Scanty Dancers from a parallel universe are holding Fernival in my living room.

    I have to incubate a Retrosaurus egg.

    The Time Portal expires in five, four, thre- *plip*

    Reply
  46. Lorraine Avatar
    Lorraine

    The chickens are still frozen to the driveway and I can’t drive over them. (this actually happened)

    Fire fighters are trying to get a python out of my engine block.

    They just announced on the news that we’re supposed to stay inside and tape plastic over all the doors and windows.

    Reply
    1. Yog-Sothoth Avatar
      Yog-Sothoth

      The chicken one made me laugh out loud.

      Reply
      1. Lena Loneson Avatar
        Lena Loneson

        Yes! I seriously need to know the true story behind this.

        Reply
        1. Lorraine Avatar
          Lorraine

          It rains a lot around here and in the winter gets below freezing overnight.

          The chickens woke up early, just before sunrise like usual. At some point after they woke up we had a freezing rain shower, and they must have been standing in the gravel driveway when it happened. At the same time, the ground must have been just cold enough to freeze their feet in place because when I went out and got into the car, it was very obvious that the chickens couldn’t move out of the way.

          Luckily my teacher thought it was funny.

          Reply
          1. Sallie Avatar
            Sallie

            pity you didn’t film it for youtube … sounds like something that would go viral … I think i hurt myself laughing

            Reply
    2. Alan Mills Avatar
      Alan Mills

      The python thing actually happened to the sister of a girl I worked with. She and her husband (boyfriend? I forget) went into a store for a moment to get something. When they got back into the car and started to drive, it started going faster and faster by itself. She had to run off the road to get it to stop. The cop who showed up was sure he had a drunk driver until they convinced him to look under the hood. There was a python that was apparently trying to constrict the engine. Every time it tightened its coils, it opened the throttle a little more. The girl I worked with still has the newspaper article that says “It wasn’t a tiger in the tank. . .”

      BTW the python had escaped from a trucker’s rig while he was taking a nap nearby.

      Reply
      1. Lorraine Avatar
        Lorraine

        buahaha! Awesome. I’d heard of that happening in Florida where some have naturalized, but never outside of TV or a news article.

        Reply
  47. Tuff Gartin Avatar
    Tuff Gartin

    I CAN’T COME IN TO WORK TODAY BECAUSE:
    •I woke up this morning and my ears were laying beside me in bed.
    •All of the doors and windows in my house have vanished.
    •A tree keeps hitting me every time I go outside.

    GOTTA GO NOW!

    Reply
  48. Anne Andersen Avatar
    Anne Andersen

    13 dwarves showed up at my house last night and now I have to figure out how to rent 14 ponies and trail food for a little trip.

    Reply
  49. Mary Avatar
    Mary

    We’re in the safe room but I think he’s still there. Shush, Micky, we don’t want him to…

    Reply
  50. Elizabeth Avatar
    Elizabeth

    I’ve suddenly started lactating.
    My cat peed on all my clean underwear.
    My oldest son just declared he was a cannibal and is chasing his sister around the back yard.

    Reply
    1. sallie Avatar
      sallie

      my landlord actually had to reschedule a dentist appt, i think it was dental, because the cat hit the cushion in his chair and he didn’t notice before he sat down, wearing his last pair of clean trousers … poor guy.

      Reply
    2. Debra Avatar
      Debra

      Oh dear….number #2 caused me to spray tea all over my keyboard.

      Reply
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