Comments on: How do you make your life what you want it to be?

By: Danzier

Danzier — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 00:56:44 +0000

mpe–
…less than 3 hours a night?!? What in the world could have made you do that? Sounds like a story…

By: Rohi

Rohi — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 11:01:44 +0000

Thanks Holly.
This is very inspiring.
my resolution this year is to FOCUS on my writing.

By: Kathryn

Kathryn — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 09:50:49 +0000

Wow, I could really relate to this.I too learned to please parents to make the chaos around me with an alcoholic father seem less. I find it hard to know what I really want. Writing is a dream for me and yet i don’t do it. So it’s hard to know if like Holly says, I don’t really want to write or whetyher it’s just that I am afraid to go for what I want instead. I do know that my English teacher in high school making fun of my writing in front of the whole class so they all laughed at me, has had a deep effect on me.

By: Lee

Lee — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 21:00:08 +0000

Thank you very very much, Holly.

Without going into details, I am at a very very bad space in my life.
Things are just beginning to look up (despite that old joke about the best thing about hitting rock bottom is that there’s nowhere else to go *but* up)

But in spite of all this drama going on, I am particularly focused on my writing and the process of getting this monster together iis actually fun and rewarding for its own sake as well as nurturing the knowledge that it is the process I am doing to get to where I finally want to be.

And quitting is not an option. Already burnt way too many years even getting to the point of deciding this is what I really want to do for a living.

By: tambo

tambo — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 05:09:41 +0000

What if there are no dreams? No wants beyond immediate needs like ‘I think I want a sandwich for lunch today’? No goals? No burning desires?

What about when life is merely a list of musts? Must clean this, must go there, must make this phone call, must post an update, must get this other task done?

How does one locate a dream when all that appears to be left are clots of frustration, boredom, anger, floundering, resentment, fatigue, and ‘why should I care?’?

How does one locate a dream when none seem to be found?

By: Littlesister

Littlesister — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 22:20:27 +0000

Hi Aaron,
I’ve been on the same “flatline” course for years an found out I couldn’t get passionate about things because I had *unlearned* to know what I wanted. I think this happened because I had to cater for my parents’ wishes from my tenderest age (‘cos it was life threatening NOT to do so). It became such a habit to do whatever everyone else wanted and needed that I clean forgot how to want or need anything for myself. I only noticed this in my late thirties… It took a lot of time and effort to find things (even small things) that I loved (It was so bad I had to make complicated priority tables to find out which film I wanted to go see.)
Well, I’m not saying my case is also your case, but you might want to look into your past for reasons of giving up on your own dreams (f.i. a parent or caretaker or teacher telling you your dream was stupid, or you were, or your idea could never make it, or because someone important to you kept giving the message that *their* needs were the only important ones). Such things to kids are enough to make them subconsciously repress what they want for themselves. Maybe you should go talk to the little kid inside you (and tell your inner parents to buckle it for a while), and tell him it’s ok now to have these dreams, and that you will help him realise them if he will share them with you.
Well, I’m don’t know. The only thing I’m sure of is the answer is somewhere inside you. I wish you all the courage and good luck in the world to go find it…

By: Aaron C

Aaron C — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 20:58:59 +0000

What do you do if you love nothing and everything seems a disappointment. Do you just spend your life experiementing until you stumble across the thing that floats your boat. I have had things in the past I have enjoyed doing but had not talent or could not obtain a level of skill to say I felt success, so I ended up not enjoying it anymore. A big thing is my career or lack of one, I have a job it pays ok but everyday I am here I feel like a die a little more, but the bills have to be paid. Is it possible that this is it for me and the feeling of success or passion is just not written into my future.

By: Holly Lisle

Holly Lisle — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 05:29:29 +0000

Ouch. Judging by my parents’ experience, Hollys are a huge pain and a real challenge to raise. Talk all the time, demand to know why, never can sit still, always have to be making something, building something, reading something, climbing something…

They are not happy desk-sitters, colorers-inside-the-lines, or think-inside-the-box kids. They challenge authority.

This does not change when they grow up…
Seriously, though. I’ve always been grateful for my name. Hope your Holly likes it as well.

Pursue your great passions, create the life you love for yourself and for the people you love. You matter because you’re you—not because of what you give or do for others, but simply because you are and you will yourself to matter.

I’ve found that the more I passionately pursue the things I love, the better my own life gets…but the better the lives of the people I connect with also get. My family especially, and in lesser degrees my friends, my students, and even the occasional random stranger.

By: Holly Lisle

Holly Lisle — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 05:22:28 +0000

I’ll be cheering for you. Kick ass on the planning and the writing.

By: Holly Lisle

Holly Lisle — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 05:20:28 +0000

And yet, you have now. What do you love now, and what are you doing to make that love your reality now?

Yesterday is gone. Learn from it, then let it go. Don’t waste another minute hurting yourself with regret. Make today the life you want to live.