FRIDAY SNIPPET: The Stowaway
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I’m doing Hawkspar copyedits today, so this snippet is fresh in my mind.

This is from Aaran’s POV (Aaran is by this time captain of his own beat-up ship and on his way to rescue Hawkspar). Some of the men have caught a young stowaway on board, and locked him in one of the ship’s cells. Aaran has come in to interview him. This is a middle slice of a much longer scene.


NOTICE: This material is copyrighted, first draft, probably buggy, and possibly not even going to be in the final draft. Do not quote or repost anywhere or in any format. Thanks

“You’ll want to talk to me. I’m captain of this ship, so there’s no higher authority from whom you can beg mercy, and I’m not in a mood to be patient with thieves. We’re in warm waters, now. Sharks in plenty here, and other things that would find someone like you tasty.”

The kid crossed his arms over his chest and turned his face away from Aaran.

“Well, see,” Aaran said. “That’s why I sent the sailor away. I don’t want him to see what I’m going to do to you if you don’t tell me who you are and why you’re on my ship.” Continue reading

Friday Snippet–A piece of the rat scene from Hawkspar
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This is a very short section of an enormous scene in HAWKSPAR, in which the heroine of the story, not yet Hawkspar, is being put on trial for the implied sins of her mentor.


NOTICE: This material is copyrighted, first draft, probably buggy, and possibly not even going to be in the final draft. Do not quote or repost anywhere or in any format. Thanks

We reached the cage, and two of the leather-clad rat-keepers undid the heavy locks that would keep closed the iron gate.

I wanted to scream, “Don’t put me in there!” I wanted to beg for rescue with everything in me. I did not.

Hawkspar had said, To the damned, courage is better than truth. She had sent that message to me at who knew what risk. I had done my best to interpret it. I had made my choice. I had chosen the path of courage—or madness—and it was too late to turn from it. Why, then, shame myself and Hawkspar before I had to? Screaming would not save me, would not change a single second of my fate. It would only offer comfort to those who wanted my death. They’d have their comfort soon enough, when the rats dropped onto me and began to gnaw. I’d scream enough to satisfy them then. The women fed to rats always did.

All I could do as the Onyxes slid me in and my bare skin touched rough, cold metal was close my eyes and pray. To Jostfar, who did not know me, who was the god of a people who had once been mine.. I had been born Tonk, and I would die Tonk. And if I did not shame myself, perhaps my mother would know me as her daughter in whatever place or form in which we might exist after death was done with me.

When I lay with my knees jammed into my chest and my head barely inside the box, the door closed behind me, and I heard the sickening click of the padlocks.

The beating of the drums quickened their pace. All four ratkeepers marched to the cart, and each picked up four rat cages. They returned, set down three of their four cages at their feet, and placed the connectors over the openings that would lead into my cage. Each placed a hand on the lift-up door that would permit the rat inside to move from the back of his cage into the front portion that contained the connector.

The drums beat faster and faster, but never as quickly as my own heart. It hammered against my ribs as if trying to escape.

And then, at their peak, the drums abruptly fell silent.

Hawkspar’s voice echoed throughout the arena. “On my command …”

I clenched my jaws closed, squeezed my eyes as tight as I could—as if those feeble attempts would keep the rats from my eyes or my tongue—and silently begged my mother to find me.
“… first rats now!” Hawkspar said, and I heard the scraping of four metal doors, and the squeaking grew to screeching as claws skittered down four metal tubes.

Four heavy bodies dropped onto me. Sharp points dug into my skin and scrabbled over me, and I felt cold, wet noses press against my flesh, and greasy fur sliding across my breasts and belly and face, and scaly, heavy tails draping along my skin.

[blenza_autolink 42]

Belated Friday Snippet: Hawkspar
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It’s been a grim week. Got most of the writing done, but it’s been hard. Snippet this week is from HAWKSPAR. Apologies for being so late with it.


NOTICE: This material is copyrighted, first draft, probably buggy, and possibly not even going to be in the final draft. Do not quote or repost anywhere or in any format. Thanks

Before me stood Oracle Tower. Unlike the gray stone from which the rest of the Citadel—from walls to halls to temples to outbuildings—had been built, the founder of the Ossalene Rite had built that tower entirely of deep green volcanic glass, carved at the base to mimic vines climbing its surface, and farther up, to show the faces of men and women peering from between the vines.  

The faces often seemed alive, and always seemed to be watching, peering down on us from their high vantage.   I’d noticed more than once that they never seemed to be in the same place, either. I hated walking past Oracle Tower, nor could I think of a single slave or penitent I had ever known who did not.   The air surrounding it tasted like pain and fear.

It is a part of the magic of the tower that only when someone who belongs within is present does it have doors. It is an otherwise-solid mass of glass—no army could force its way inside uninvited, for there would be no inside to the tower. Nor could any who had no business there pass. The slaves and penitents have all heard this, as I had heard it.   Yet I did not understand what that meant until the Obsidians pushed me forward.  

"Touch the wall," one said.

I touched cool, smooth glass, and felt a vibration beneath my fingertips.

The glass curled away from me, shaping itself into an arching doorway. Light began to glow within the tower, and by it I could see stairs forming themselves in front of me, spiraling upward around the inside of smooth, glossy walls. I took a step back, frightened—the air that rolled out from the tower had a stink to it that drove like a spike straight into my brain. Something obscene waited inside the tower, and I would have offered anything to be spared walking through that arch or up those stairs.

One of the Obsidians behind me said, "We may not pass."

The other said, "I was instructed by the Oracle Hawkspar to give you a single piece of advice. Hawkspar said: To the damned, courage is better than truth ."

I turned to stare at her.   "What does that mean?"

"I could not say," she told me.   "You’ll have to discover its meaning on your own." And then she put her hand to the small of my back and shoved me forward. "Go. You are to wait until the Oracles join you. You would be well-advised to pray."

I stumbled though the arch just as the seru rang the bells of Basmam, third quarter of dark, and I felt the doorway suck itself shut behind me. I refrained from turning only out of sheer willpower; I knew if I saw there was no longer a door behind me, I would panic. I would run. In the faintly green-glowing darkness of Oracle Tower, I sensed that panic would have consequences I could not imagine, and would not desire.  

[blenza_autolink 42]

Friday Snippet: Green Magic I
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Unbelievably, it’s already Friday again. So here’s my Snippet.

Here’s the setup. Elli, having broken into a secure enemy installation, has rescued Tom from the cage. The two are working their way down a corridor in the dark when two maintenance guys enter the corridor behind them and get a lightbulb and a ladder from a supply closet.


NOTICE: This material is copyrighted, first draft, probably buggy, and possibly not even going to be in the final draft. Do not quote or repost anywhere or in any format. Thanks

The duct was big, and at floor level, and in the unlit corridor–still unlit thanks to a government-issue EMP pistol with which the had earlier turned out lights and shut down alarms–she and Tom remained hidden from the men walking behind.
But she heard the men setting up the ladder, and one man climbing it.

With her goggles on infrared, she could see the duct she needed. It wasn’t that far, but she and Tom were moving too slowly.

She didn’t dare say anything to Tom; the men were being quiet and she didn’t dare push her shield that hard. But she squeezed Tom’s hand and pulled him forward. He broke into a limping trot, and kept up with her.

Behind her, glass scraped on the ceiling and screws clattered against it as the man on the ladder removed the light cover. More scraping as he pulled out the old light bulb.

That old light bulb would have been fine–her EMP blast would hold for about half an hour, and at the end of that time, the light would have come back on by itself.

She was about to the end of her half hour, she knew. So the odds were good that when the man put the new bulb in the socket, it would work.

She reached the duct and carefully removed the already-unscrewed cover.

She heard the new bulb scraping into the socket.

She dropped to hands and knees and climbed in, and Tom O’Riley, using strength and grace she suspected he could ill afford, slipped in behind her, turned and grabbed the cover, and pulled it into place.

She lifted her mask, reached around him, and popped chewing gum she’d had in her mouth onto the top of the grille. With luck, that would keep it in place if someone jarred the floor while running past.

"Nice," he whispered.

"Thanks."

Through the grille’s slits, light suddenly poured into the vent, and Elli’s heart gave a double-thud. That had been too close.

[blenza_autolink 42]

Friday Snippet–Green Magic I–Chapter 1
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This is the first 40% of Chapter One in the first book of the series project that I’m calling Green Magic, the part marked “Out of the cage” on its index card. In spite of the fact that if it sells it’s the first section of a pseudonymous category romance, I think my regular readers, men included, may still like this section. So I’m giving it a shot and posting it here.


NOTICE: This material is copyrighted, first draft, probably buggy, and possibly not even going to be in the final draft. Do not quote or repost anywhere or in any format. Thanks

Chapter One

In the darkness just outside his cage, a voice murmured, "Don’t move, don’t make a sound. I’m getting you out of here."

Tom O’Riley, beaten, bleeding and bound at wrists and ankles, lying in a fetal position in the cage where his captors had left him, decided he was probably hallucinating. The voice was a woman’s, a soft contralto that sent shivers down his spine. The few faint outlines of her body that he could make out in the darkness curved deliciously. And she was alone. In a hellhole like this.

So she couldn’t possibly be real.

Tom hadn’t heard a woman’s voice in over a month, since he and two members of his five-man team had been taken prisoner.

He hadn’t heard a friendly voice in three days, since Merrick had been dragged from his cage, not to return. Stikes had fallen off Tom’s radar two days before that.

He’d become the last survivor, in the hands of men who hated Americans and who had captured him as he and his team were rescuing a kidnapped American mother and her three kids from the foreign-national husband who had dragged them back to squalor and captivity in his home country.

Tom knew he was going to die soon. He’d been humiliated, beaten, tortured, starved–and he knew damned well the only reason he still lived was because Stikes and Merrick had died with some secrets still untold.

He was the enemy’s last chance to find out who had sent the team, who else knew about the location of the kidnapped Americans, and who–if anyone–knew the true nature of the location from which they’d been rescued. But the bastards had to figure they were running out of time, if they hadn’t run out already. Tom might still be breathing for another twenty-four hours. Probably less.

And now…hallucinations.

Starvation and lack of water were finally finishing him off. He was seeing people, hearing voices–he was plagued by wishful thinking and a deteriorating mind in what were certain to be the last hours of his life.

His hallucination knew her way around a lockpick, though.

She knelt by the lock at his back, and he lay watching her as best he could from his awkward angle. He had to twist his head around, and even then he could only see part of her with one eye. She worked in shadows and dressed in black—skin-tight, light-absorbent black—with a mask over her face and what he had to guess were infrared goggles covering her eyes.

With a faint click, the door came open, and she touched his wrists, and picked the lock on his handcuffs. He could feel the warmth of her hand through the thin layer of soft, silky gloves. Could a dying man feel a hallucination, he wondered. No. He didn’t think so. In spite of her unlikeliness, the odds had shifted in his favor. She was probably real. And probably rescuing him.

Suddenly he wished she were a man–he was naked and starved and filthy, beaten and broken, and he didn’t care if a man saw him like that. But he had no doubt he would repulse a woman.

And then he shook his head. The stupid things men thought of when they were dying, or were likely to be dying at any time.

Sensation started returning to his hands. They hurt. A lot. Meanwhile, the woman rested her hands on the manacles around his ankles.

And both of them heard footsteps. He jumped. She didn’t twitch. She made no effort to hide. She simply sat there for a moment, head down, as still as frozen night, with her breathing gone deep and slow–and he felt cold energy blast through him. It made him shiver and lifted the small hairs on the back of his neck straight up.

She turned to him and put a finger to where her lips would be under the black mask, while both of them could still hear those footsteps coming closer, and she went back to work on the manacles around his ankles. At the same instant, very close to the room in which Tom and the unknown woman waited, a cell phone rang, and the guard answered it.

"I’m checking on the prisoner," the guard said in Tarifit, a dialect of Berber.

A pause, while a voice Tom could not make out shouted over the phone.

"I’ll go check," the guard said, sounding like he was trying to placate a crazy man. Tom heard the click of the cell phone being closed, and then a heavy sigh. The footsteps receded down the corridor and died away into silence.

The woman muttered, "Thank you," and kept working on the lock that held the manacles in place around his ankles.

"There," she said after another moment. Then, "Can you walk?"

The trick with the phone bothered him. Did she have a team member outside who’d managed to place that call–to exactly the right guard’s cell phone, and in perfect Tarifit, and in a voice the guard recognized as one in authority? Or had she perhaps set off some sort of diversion elsewhere, and it was just luck that the guard got called away.

But she hadn’t been worried. So he asked, "How did you do that?"

"I didn’t do anything. Can you walk?"

She had done something. He’d felt that burst of cold blast through him from her while her head was lowered. But he didn’t press her. If she had new tech, he’d just wait until he had the chance to get an up-close look at it. They weren’t in a good place for an exciting chat about R&D hardware, anyway. And if, as the creeped-out feeling at the back of his neck suggested, she was pulling a Raven…well–later would be the time to deal with that, too. So he crawled out of the cage and pulled himself to a standing position, doing his best to hide his agony in the process. The room spun crazily for a moment, then steadied. He felt like hell–his captors had left no part of his body unharmed, from the soles of his feet which they’d whipped until they bled, to body parts they’d electroshocked, to the fingers they broke, and the hands they’d bound so tightly they were still tingling to painful life. He wanted a stretcher, his four best friends, and a Huey with a MedEvac team hovering overhead.

But the black-clad woman was still alone, and his best guess was that the two of them were walking out. She sure wasn’t big enough to carry him.

"I’ll manage," he told her.

"Then come on. You can lean on me when you need to." He heard the sympathy in her voice. It goaded him a little, made him want to prove that he could carry his own weight. Something in the line of her body, in the richness of her soft voice, made him need to have her see him as a warrior, not as a victim. "We have clothes and other things you’ll need in the van," she added, and he felt relief that she did have a team. Somewhere.

"But I couldn’t carry them in with me," she continued. "So for now, you have to do two things, or we’ll both end up dead faster than you can imagine. You have to stay no farther than a foot from me at all times, and you have to hold my hand."

He considered that for a moment. Staying no more than a foot from her sounded pretty good. His mind dipped for just an instant from the very important issue of getting his ass out of there before he died, to the distraction of his rescuer. She was tall but curvy, and that voice of hers made him remember other types of desire besides water, and food–and safety.

But…safety. Right.

He focused on business. "You have some sort of new invisibility technology?"

She looked at him sidelong. He wished he could see her face–he sensed amusement in her gaze, but her eyes didn’t give him enough information.

"Something like that," she told him, and the voice verified what the eyes suggested. His question had amused her.

They started forward, and she kept them to shadows. She moved quickly, though, much faster than he would have dared move had he been relying solely on stealth. The speed they were making hurt like hell. So did her grip on his broken fingers and battered hand.

"So who are you?" he whispered.

"You don’t yet have need-to-know clearance for that," she said. "And I suppose I should have mentioned the third thing you can’t do while we’re moving is talk."

Right. He should have figured.

[blenza_autolink 42]

Friday Snippet: Theme and Concept
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As promised, one complete chapter (and one complete tool) in the Plot Clinic. As voted on by you folks, that chapter is: Chapter 11: Theme and Concept.

All the usual disclaimers apply: spellos, typos, copyright, no reprint, yadda, yadda.

Things will be getting hectic later, so I want to post this now before I forget.

Plot Clinic: Chapter 11–Theme and Concept

Tomorrow is Friday Snippets
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I’ve decided that for Friday Snippets tomorrow, I’m going to post one complete tool from the ones I’ve finished. Furthermore, I’m going to let you folks pick which tool. The tool I post will still be in unedited first draft, and will therefore still be subject to the usual typos, spellos, bad writing, worse writing, and plastic surgery by pen come revision time. But even in their current shape, all the existing tools are entirely workable.

Everything that has just the name of the tool is in the When Things Are Going Well section. Those with the word Awake preceding the tool name are in the When Things Go Splat section.

Voting won’t close until I’m ready to post the snippet tomorrow–sometime between 10 AM and 3 PM or so. If you’re not sure when you’ll be back here, vote early.

So.

FINAL RESULTS BELOW 12:17, Apr. 13, 2007

 

{democracy:5}

I’m starting to think of this as the potato-chip book (plus snippet)
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“Nobody can write just one.”

I started and finished the chapters Throwing Stuff Against A Wall, Theme and Concept, When Things Go Well (intro), When Things Go Splat (intro), and Word Games: Goosebumps, and, with way over 3000 words for the day, had to make myself quit before I headed into Word Games: Pong, and Word Games: Chase Your Tail.

Those last two are on the desk for tomorrow. Along with them, perhaps Chop Wood, Carry Water, and Drawings. Or maybe Timed Writing. So much fun stuff to do, and laundry and housework just don’t sing to me like they do when I’m stuck.

I have no urge to procrastinate. I just wanna write more Plot Clinic.

What a great feeling.

Snippet of Throwing Stuff Against A Wall, so you can see how this is going. (pdf, 82 KB)

Plot Clinic–How to Use This Book
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Snippet: the How To Use This Book Section, which I hope is both funny and useful, and will give you a clear idea of what you’re getting yourself into. The section is in pdf form like yesterday’s snippet, and for the same reasons. Usual disclaimers and notices apply.

How to Use This Book

Also have some of the tool stuff done now. Progress is going beautifully.